The phrase "sleeping with someone" often means "having sex." What is the origin of this sexual connotation? Is there a non-sexual equivalent of this phrase to express sleeping with someone without sexual intercourse?
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Well with babies we often say 'to sleep(/be) in the bed with'. As in "our baby sleeps in the bed with us."
This extends to adults. Warning... NOTE the use of THE, 'in the bed' is different than 'in bed'!!! Compare 'I was in bed with him' and 'I was in the bed with him'.
Would any of the following examples imply sex....?
I slept in the bed with him.
I stayed the whole night in the bed with her.
They were in the bed together.
It works because 'the bed' is geographical, but 'bed' has many nuances...
EnglishAdam
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122Yes, yes, and yes. (USA) The only reason it doesn't have a sexual connotation with kids is because...well...they're kids. That assumption of innocence typically does not extend to adults. – cHao Jan 28 '14 at 09:40
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31@Chao, I can only speak for myself but they don't imply sex. "i was in the bed the whole night with him' almost underlines no sex. – EnglishAdam Jan 28 '14 at 10:30
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2That's true, your examples do seem to get round it. Then again, it very much depends on context. Imagine the first one with someone wiggling their eyebrows at you. Changes everything ;) – starsplusplus Jan 28 '14 at 10:53
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12I must add "to bed someone" means to have sex with someone. The speaker must emphasize the 'the'; otherwise, it can easily be missed. – Double U Jan 28 '14 at 19:28
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5I believe that "a bed" also works. If you say, "I shared a bed with her," you are using a safe idiom. – Dane Jan 28 '14 at 20:58
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I'm not convinced. "I'm in bed with my computer" doesn't sound any more sexual than "I'm in the bed with my computer". – Kit Z. Fox Jan 29 '14 at 02:30
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5@KitFox And your computer isn't something you can have sex with...unless you're a very strange individual. – Michael Hampton Jan 29 '14 at 02:43
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5@MichaelHampton Well, there is YouTube footage that suggests differently, but I admit I haven't tried it. I'm too busy being in the bed, sleeping alongside, but not with various people. – Kit Z. Fox Jan 29 '14 at 02:47
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1To pursue the baby lode, you could try 'co-sleeping', I guess. Might have the advantage of tripping your listener's train of thought for long enough for them to forget about the double-entendres... :) – Benjol Jan 29 '14 at 05:52
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4Nobody seems to have tackled the "why this connotation" part of the question. With the accepted and top-voted answer, you might consider an edit explaining the process of pejoration, whereby an innocent phrase that is used as a euphemism eventually loses its ability to be used for its original innocent meaning. – SevenSidedDie Jan 29 '14 at 17:45
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21(USA) This should not be the accepted answer because it doesn't apply to non-native speakers and is ambiguous in writing. Yes, if an American said to me "I slept in the bed with her" without indicating euphemism (wink, tongue-in-cheek), I would probably interpret it as saying that no intercourse took place, but if I read it or if someone said it with an accent, I would probably think they meant to say "sleep with" but didn't know the difference. – David Schwartz Jan 29 '14 at 19:55
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Regarding the questions (if taken absolutely): not really; awkward phrase I'd probably never say, but might indicate a long night of not sleeping; yes. If these statements were accompanied with some context (say, implying a non-sexual relationship), the answers might be different. (Thus, I recommend the first one, but not the final two.) – jon Jan 29 '14 at 20:34
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@cHao, "In bed" has it's own meaning. "The bed" puts the focus on the noun of bed itself, and nothing more. No one I know in the USA uses the word "the" before bed to imply sex, having it there implies no sex (in my view). – Bort Jan 29 '14 at 21:32
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2@Bort: Frankly, it doesn't much matter whether the speaker implies sex. The very act (between adults) implies sex to many people, no matter what particular words one uses to describe it. It would be the speaker's error if he wanted to avoid that implication but didn't explicitly address it. – cHao Jan 30 '14 at 01:08
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2I agree that this answer is probably as good as it gets. But I also agree that there is no perfect answer in English, particularly American English. Adults of the dominant culture of some countries still share beds with family and maybe even close friends, non-sexually. But in the dominant culture in the USA, it is exceptional and so hard to talk about in a single phrase. – Mike M Jan 30 '14 at 13:41
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I stayed the whole night in the bed with her. not only implies (to my dirty mind) that there was sex involved, but it actually implies sex over and over since the whole night is being stressed. – Shahbaz Jan 31 '14 at 22:36
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1Nope, just adding "the" in front of bed does not really help. The statements still imply sex. I agree, this should not be an accepted answer. – uvesten Feb 03 '14 at 16:52
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I dont think this answer is good for Americans the crash answer is better for us. – Feb 04 '14 at 08:41
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This merely makes the sexual connotations more distant. There's no way to avoid them completely, because the situation of being in a bed with someone (no matter what words you use!) has sexual connotations. – iconoclast Feb 04 '14 at 21:35
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If 'the bed' avoids a sexual connotation, the phrase 'I was in the bed the whole night with him' not only reintroduces sex but also underscores this connotation by specifying the duration of sexual activity. Cf. 'I was in the bed with him for a few minutes', or 'I was in the bed with him until 10PM'. Regardless, the connotations of 'bed' carry over into 'the bed' amongst speakers of American English talking to other such speakers. @David Schwartz is correct that this answer should not have been accepted. – Christopher Harwood Feb 04 '14 at 22:47
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You do not have to imply sex for others to infer it. Some people can't even look at a banana without thinking naughty thoughts. Doesn't mean there is something wrong with the banana. Hmm, banana. – candied_orange Dec 05 '15 at 03:02
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You can use "crash with someone".
Example:
I had no place to stay so I crashed with her.
Although not foolproof, it implies less the act of having sex.
Edit: As it's been pointed out, crashing with someone implies some sort of need. You might be too tired to go elsewhere or not have anywhere else to stay.
Edit 2: Some variants I can think of are "crashing at someone's place" or "crashing on someone's couch". If you just use "crash with someone" you avoid telling exactly where you slept.
Sanctor
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7I've used this phrase in those situations as well. 'Bunking' definitely does have some sexual connotations that 'crash' does not (yet) have – Spork Jan 28 '14 at 10:05
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14"Crash with" is good, not least because it implies you were too tired to do anything else! ;) – starsplusplus Jan 28 '14 at 10:51
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1What's nice about crashing, too, is that it's not even necessarily on the same bed. (I might crash on the sofa at her place.) – J.R. Jan 28 '14 at 11:20
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51I would crash AT her place, not crash WITH her, which sounds like your both were coming down from a drug-induced high – mplungjan Jan 28 '14 at 12:55
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Crash implies a couch for me too. Although if you slept in the same bed with someone and didn't have sex, crashing is an elegant way to avoid telling where you slept and imply innocence. Few people are going to ask where. – Sanctor Jan 28 '14 at 14:01
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Since I've specifically used 'crashed with' to mean I slept with them whilst wanting to leave that ambiguous I doubt the efficacy of this suggestion. It's less likely to be interpreted as sex but it doesn't preclude the possibility. – Jack Aidley Jan 28 '14 at 14:02
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A less colloquial variant, to "fall asleep with someone", would also work. However, both "crash with" and "fall asleep with" suffer from a problem that they only work for one-time events, rather than a chronic situation. – 200_success Jan 28 '14 at 17:35
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"tends to only be used with some kind of need" -- the need is simply of shelter and sleep. "My house is tented so I crashed at Bob's place last night" doesn't imply any more than that. Of course, it also has nothing to do with sharing a bed, so this answer is just wrong. – Jim Balter Jan 28 '14 at 20:58
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@200_success I don't think it requires a non-chronic situation - you can say that you've been crashing with your friend for a couple weeks, while your house is being remodeled. It is, however, not as specific - you wouldn't say you crashed in someone's bed, merely in their house, leaving it ambiguous where you were sleeping (most likely a couch or futon.) – neminem Jan 28 '14 at 23:54
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Does not mention bed: http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/crash+with Does not need another person: http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/crash Needs neither: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=crash&page=2 – Kris Jan 29 '14 at 06:40
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In the USA, "to crash" implies a temporary living arrangement (could be one night, could be longer) but leaves completely ambiguous where you slept or what took place while you were there. This means that if the person is a friend, family member, child/infant, or an otherwise implausible sexual partner, it's very innocent. But if a teenage boy "crashes with" a teenage girl, the sexual connotation is there. How much sexuality is implied depends on the sexual plausibility of the persons involved. If you know the two have a history, you'd be all but certain they had sex. – David Schwartz Jan 29 '14 at 20:11
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This is merely anecdotal evidence, but in the usage I'm familiar with, "crash with" actively implies not sharing a bed. – David Z Jan 30 '14 at 03:32
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@DavidSchwartz uh no i've been crashing with various relatives for the majority of my life. – Feb 03 '14 at 23:26
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@caseyr547 I said relatives are "safe" to crash with: "a friend, family member, child/infant, or otherwise implausible sexual partner." And when I said teenage boy/girl, I meant unrelated ones. But say you had to share a bed with a married co-worker while out of town on a business trip because there was no other vacancy-- saying you "crashed with" him/her is better than "slept with" but would still be suspicious. As others have said, sometimes, if you want to avoid sexual connotations, you have to either be explicit or just not discuss it at all. – David Schwartz Feb 04 '14 at 02:54
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1@DavidSchwartz naw i mean i can understand what you think but that's not american culture. its common that friends or friends of friends take people into their houses when they are disowned especially as teenagers. i know of a few times it happened. they were plausible sexual partners but no one even started such rumors. "i had a fight with my parents and i crashed with this random girl my friend knows" even past love interest understand the necessity of such situations and no one suspects sexuality. – Feb 04 '14 at 03:25
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its an ethical violation to share a bed on a company trip in many companies so unless your company has no professional standards that doesn't happen anymore. – Feb 04 '14 at 03:34
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@caseyr547 Of what you wrote, the only thing I disagree with is that I'm unaware of my own culture. Granted, every clique is different-- I've known people in incestuous cliques where everyone has slept with everyone so every "crash" is a presumed hookup, and I've known others where people manage to keep things platonic. But the examples you gave prove my point: you had to be explicit about why ("fight with parents") and with whom ("a random friend-of-a-friend"), because "I crashed with some random girl last night" allows too much room for a sexual interpretation. – David Schwartz Feb 04 '14 at 17:05
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The phrases below are often used when small children sleep with their parents in the same bed.
To share the bed together (or) share the same bed
To sleep in the same bed
If you lack a spare room, and a guest needs to spend the night, you might offer to share your bed with him or her. This is often the case between close friends and relatives. I have shared the same bed with a cousin, who is more like a sister to me, and with an elderly aunt who felt scared to be alone in a strange house.
I wouldn't say to an acquaintance, "I slept with my cousin last night" that might be misconstrued as meaning we had sexual intercourse. On the other hand, "We shared the same bed" and "My cousin and I slept in the same bed" do not strike me as being sexual in the least.
Mari-Lou A
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"I stayed at my cousin's house last night." or "I stayed with my cousin's family last night." – John Jan 28 '14 at 21:55
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4While I think the connotation is less strong for "sharing a bed" than "sleeping together," I think if somebody said "they're sharing a bed these days" I would take it to mean that a sexual relationship had progressed. – Bradd Szonye Jan 28 '14 at 22:13
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3@BraddSzonye everything depends on context. One night, in an emergency, you share the same bed with a friend - no big deal. After one week, I'd say something more than sleep is happening. :) – Mari-Lou A Jan 28 '14 at 22:24
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+1. As a rewording, I might say "my cousin and I shared a bed." However, to be fair, the fact it is a cousin is a big part of why it doesn't sound sexual. – Caleb Stanford Jan 28 '14 at 23:08
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5I think “sleep in the same bed” has less potential for unwanted euphemism than “share a bed” does. – Bradd Szonye Jan 28 '14 at 23:18
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In the US, to share a bed is an (old) idiom for an ongoing sexual relationship because it implies they no longer sleep separately. Since shared the same bed is so similar, I could interpret it as a flowery way to say the same thing. Sleep in the same bed (not share) takes some focus away from sex, but still should be used cautiously because the context completely changes its meaning: "Did you know Adam and Eve shared/slept in the same bed last night?", or "How are things with Eve?" "Well, we shared/slept in the same bed last night..." – David Schwartz Jan 29 '14 at 20:37
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Joys of going to an all-boy boarding school, field trips, etc. where hormonal kids were occasionally required to share beds at overnight sporting events, etc. The phrase we used then was very effective, and has not been mentioned in this question. I think it is ideal to express 'sharing a bed with no sexual activity'. In the context of a school boys having to tell their story to their parents about a hotel stay where they had to share a bed: "Hey Mom, James and I had to split a bed last night".
- Jenny and I split her bed and slept.
The split implies the childish act of drawing an imaginary line down the middle, and each keeping to one side (which is pretty much what we did, as kids). Essentially creating two 'virtual' bed partitions, instead of sharing one.
rolfl
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Yeah. I've been in that type of situation. I figured "sleeping with" would just be too awkward, because it connotes sex, and it's not like you want to engage in sex with the other person. I'd also add 'bedmate' but then again, it's not a widely accepted word, which may lead to confusion. – Double U Jan 29 '14 at 12:46
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Best option is to not mention the word "bed" at all -- use "stayed at" or "crashed at" and include the word "overnight" if clarification is needed.
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2But if I stayed at someone's place overnight, it doesn't necessarily mean we slept in the same bed. It could be I slept in the spare room, on the sofa, on the floor... – Mari-Lou A Jan 28 '14 at 17:58
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6It doesn't even imply sleep, really. Maybe two co-workers had a very productive all-nighter together. – user1306322 Jan 28 '14 at 18:43
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The only way to do this is to be explicit. Yes, you can phrase it to reduce the connotation but you cannot eliminate it. The only exception is where societal context would strongly suggest you weren't having sex - i.e. "It was horrible, I had to share the bed with my mum" or "they're the kind of hippy household where the baby sleeps with them".
If you want to talk about sleeping in the same bed but not having sex you need to spell it out, e.g. "She only has a bedsit so we shared the bed; nothing funny happened though".
Jack Aidley
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You can be explicit without even mentioning "something funny" by implying that you slept in the bed with someone else because you had no other choice. "There was only one bed, so we had to share it." Yeah, you have to phrase it differently depending on the context of the conversation, but my point is that by first stating the circumstance, it makes it seem like you didn't want to sleep with the person in the first place. There's room for "one thing led to another," but I still think it gets the point across. – David Schwartz Jan 29 '14 at 20:44
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To answer the origin question: I'd presume it's simply because, in our relatively affluent American society, it's uncommon for folks above the age of puberty to share a bed with anyone they aren't romantically involved with. The main exception I can think of is when sharing a hotel room for economy's sake. So the phrase is rarely needed, hence rarely used, except as a euphemism... and the latter becomes a possible meaning unless there's some reason to believe otherwise. Whether it's the assumed meaning or not depends on knowing more about the individuals.
The only reliable workarounds are to be either more vague, or more explicit, about the arrangements. "I shared a hotel room with him", because it doesn't focus specifically on the sleeping arrangements, mostly avoids raising the question. Likewise the suggested formulations of "I stayed over" (a bit safer than "I stayed the night", for no very good reason), "I crashed at Karen's place", "He lent me his guest room", and so on. Obviously any of those could have involved sex before, during, or after, but they either avoid focusing on bed arrangements or suggest separate beds. And they avoid the specific formulation "sleep with" which is most strongly associated with sexual activity.
keshlam
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Indeed. When I was in 8th grade, I went to a Washington, D.C., trip with the entire 8th grade class. I only had one roommate in the hotel room, so we each got our own bed. Some girls had an overcrowded hotel room; I guess friends liked sleeping together. :P – Double U Jan 28 '14 at 14:00
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2In my experience, hotel rooms are strongly associated with illicit activity (romantic affairs, prostitution, pornography) and most Americans would very much try to avoid disclosing the fact that they shared one with a member of the opposite sex altogether. You wouldn't, even for economy, share a room with someone you didn't trust, and the perception is that if you trust them enough to share a room, you could be sleeping with them. But otherwise, I agree, you either have to be more vague or more explicit in order to avoid sexual connotations. – David Schwartz Jan 29 '14 at 20:56
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If you had meant either
- … spending the night as a guest at another's home
or - (being a)n overnight guest
then you could use the word sleepover.
Kris
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31Imagine a nice girl telling her mom ... Mom, my boyfriend is having a sleepover in my room. Mom says, Have fun! – Blessed Geek Jan 28 '14 at 07:07
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The answer by @Rhetorician failed to include the actual verb
To bunk: To stay the night; sleep: bunk over at a friend's house.
which does not exactly meet the requirements of sleeping in the same bed, but if you tell me you are going to bunk over at X's place and I know for a fact that he/she only has one bed, the picture coming to mind is you either sleeping next to that person or on the floor/couch
mplungjan
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Bunking with someone doesn't imply sharing a bed. The presumption is separate beds. – Bruce James Jan 28 '14 at 15:13
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As I clearly state in my answer. I can still bunk at my friend"s place regardless of number of beds – mplungjan Jan 28 '14 at 16:45
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1@Bruce If we bunk together, we could be sharing a bed, or a set of bunk beds. Oh! That would be fun! We could make a fort on the lower bunk, and stay up all night reading comics with a flashlight! – Kit Z. Fox Jan 29 '14 at 02:34
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1I've lived in various states throughout the USA, and I know that "bunking with" a member of the opposite sex is synonymous with "sleeping with" or "shacking up with" that person. Perhaps there is a cultural difference I'm not aware of? I know "bunking" is a more common word in the UK. It does have the advantage of having zero sexual connotation when referring to a friend (of the same sex) or family member: "bunking with my cousin" is entirely different from "sleeping with my cousin." But then again, "staying over" works the same way. – David Schwartz Jan 29 '14 at 21:08
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I'll bunk at her place sounds quite a bit different to I'll bonk her at her place – mplungjan Jan 31 '14 at 16:03
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There is a word "cosleeping" (or "co-sleeping", if you'd prefer) which generally applies to infants and their parents, but seems ripe for repurposing.
Alternatively: Cosominating
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Co-sleeping is also employed as a neutral term in the Wikipedia article about the sexuality of Abraham Lincoln. – Gin Gordon Jan 31 '14 at 09:07
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FWIW, in the parenting community, a distinction is sometimes made between "co-sleeping" (sleeping in the same room) and "bed sharing" (sleeping in the same bed). – Ellen Spertus Feb 01 '14 at 00:49
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Do you mean sleeping in the same bed, or just the same house?
A colloquial (in the UK) for non-sexual sleeping in the same bed is "topping and tailing" where you sleep with heads at the opposite ends.
paj28
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29which is translated by teenagers as "sixty-nining giggle giggle" – Carl Witthoft Jan 28 '14 at 14:18
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3So, not only is neither of you getting any, you need to smell each other's feet while you're doing it? I suppose that might serve as a deterrent. – terdon Jan 29 '14 at 00:10
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For the case where two people are sleeping in the bed, perhaps because there are no extra beds, I would say that they "shared a bed." As in "the two cousins shared a bed," or "the house was so crowded that holiday weekend, four siblings shared a single bed."
Bruce James
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2Good example. I can't quite define why "at the hotel, she shared a bed with him" doesn't have any sexual innuendo, while "at the hotel, she slept in the bed with him" (another suggestion) seems to leave it open to interpretation. I suppose the word "share" implies dividing up a limited resource out of necessity. – AmeliaBR Jan 28 '14 at 18:31
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2On the other hand, a phrase like "she shared his bed" is definitely sexual. (Google it if you like.) – Nate Eldredge Jan 28 '14 at 18:35
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@NateEldredge -- the difference is that in sharing "his bed" it makes clear that there is no division of sides. – Bruce James Jan 28 '14 at 19:40
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It's interesting: in the past tense (shared a bed) there is less sexuality attached than the present tense (he/she/they share a bed), where the latter seems to refer to an ongoing romantic affair. – David Schwartz Jan 29 '14 at 21:12
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What about simply substituting "alongside" for "with". Note the difference:
- I slept with Roxanne.
- I slept alongside Roxanne.
Chelonian
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Bundling, tarrying or, in some parts of the US at least, boarding traditionally referred to "sleeping with someone" without sex.
Traditionally, participants were adolescents, with a boy staying at the residence of a girl. They were given separate blankets by the girl's parents and expected to talk to one another through the night. The practice was limited to the winter and sometimes the use of a bundling board, placed between the boy and girl, ensured that no sexual conduct would take place.
Wayfaring Stranger
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1I think the end of that article sums it up pretty nicely: "See also [...] Non-penetrative sex" =D – Christian Jan 30 '14 at 20:17
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A famous example is in Wagner’s Götterdämmerung, where Siegfried magically assumes the face and form of Gunther to penetrate Brünnhilde’s defensive moat of fire and thus woo her for Gunther: in this borrowed form he sleeps beside her but lays between them his naked sword, Nothung. The same motif occurs in the Vǫlsunga saga, the Snorra Edda, and the Sigurþarkviða hin skamma from the Poetic Edda, all sources that Wagner drew upon. – Brian Donovan Dec 27 '15 at 22:29
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I believe bundling often involved sewing the young persons into cloth sheaths so that they could not have sex without ripping out the seems, which would be readily detectable in the morning. – Brian Donovan Dec 27 '15 at 22:30
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This answer is a variant of @Gamemorize's answer which I think is a lot less ambiguous.
If sleeping in the same bed, use this exact phrase:
"He and she slept in the same bed". Notice the lack of "together", replaced by strengthening the location connotation with "the same".
This is made even more unambiguous if you use any of synonums of "to sleep" which haven't developed sexual connotation that sleeping did:
"He and she slumbered in the same bed". "He and she caught some ZZZs in the same bed".
If sleeping in the same room/house, use "sharing":
"He and she shared a room/house". Or you can go with previous approach: "He and she slept in the same room".
DVK
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Where I live people use "slept over" or "sleeping over" or to "sleep over" etc.
Examples: I slept over John's house. I'm sleeping over Rebecca's tonight.
Etc.
Sleeping over can cover innocently sharing a bed, perhaps even top and tail, sleeping on the floor etc.
It says here "North American" but we use it here in Britain: Sleep Over
Staying over can be used in lieu of sleeping over.
Anon343224user
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Only if you know the people involved are relating, or the tone of voice implies it. You could say the same about anything. You can even make "they are talking in the other room" imply relations if you want. – Anon343224user Jan 29 '14 at 18:03
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A rather informal way of saying this, and this has a whiff of slang about it can be:
I bunked with her
Which, to me at least, doesn't suggest sexual contact. In the UK, you might also say:
We kipped in the same bed
Probably owing to the fact that kip, as a noun, means bed, there is no real suggestion of sex here, too.
But generally, I'd simply say what I mean:
We slept in the same bed
We shared the bed, [optional: and slept]
Mind you, if you emphasize "and slept" too much, you may get the odd cynical look from people, generally accompanied with the "ri-ight, you just 'slept'" smirk. Just say you shared the bed in a neutral, factual sort of way, and specify you just slept if you notice people are thinking you didn't get as much sleep as maybe you did :)
Ah well, all in all, the moment you talk about 2 people in the same bed, there's bound to be a couple of people that'll think more of it. A dirty mind is a joy forever, as my parents used to say, and you can't do right by everyone.
If you're worried about people taking it the wrong way, you could just shut them up and turn the "joke" on them. Instead of wrecking my brain trying to find a non-sexual phrase, I'd probably look into phrases concerning jealousy, and what words there are for people who haven't had any in years...
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'Bunked up (with)' is explicitly sexual to my ears: UD agrees. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bunk+up
Simply 'bunked (with)' would not be.
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@Dragon: My appologies, edited that out. Christ, I think I now realize why people looked at me funny in the past... – Elias Van Ootegem Jan 29 '14 at 13:43
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You could just say nothing went down in plain English. For example, The biblical story of King David mentions his nurse Abishag, and lays it out very plainly that they slept in the same bed, but didn't have sex. She just kept him warm at night.
1Now king David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat. 2Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat. 3So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king. 4And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not.
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That sounds good in the archaic sense. In modern times, know has a different meaning. – Double U Jan 28 '14 at 22:45
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'hath known' is such a phrase in the Koran, so its etymology may not be English. – geotheory Jan 31 '14 at 14:48
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@geotheory mmy guess would be ancient Hebrew, seeing as how it was originally in the Hebrew Bible, but I could be wrong. – MDMoore313 Jan 31 '14 at 15:04
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I believe that the closest you can get is "slumber." If you say, "I slumbered with him," you avoid the euphemistic idiom. There are many other fine suggestions for being clear that you shared a bed, but using "slumber" instead of "sleep" safely allows the same sentence construction. The downside of using "slumber" is that the word is less common and may strike some as archaic.
Dane
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1Funny, I always use slumber in tandem with blissful, which in turn does suggest you have had a better night than usual :) – Elias Van Ootegem Jan 29 '14 at 09:14
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I mentioned this in a comment, but I don't think anyone has actually given this answer yet, so...
We call this sharing sleep. It makes it clear you are in the same bed (you wouldn't be sharing if you weren't in the same bed), and rather than saying what you didn't do, it makes it very specific what you did do, which was sleep at the same time the other person was sleeping.
Kit Z. Fox
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1Who's "we"? I've never heard of this expression before. Sharing + verb sounds a bit odd. Could I say: sharing eat to mean we share food, sharing watch/see to mean we watch the same movie? Is it only used with sleep? – Mari-Lou A Jan 29 '14 at 07:27
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@Mari-LouA sleep is a mass noun there, as in "I grabbed some sleep". – Matt E. Эллен Jan 29 '14 at 09:21
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1@MattЭллен Right, I missed that, so is it a common expression, "to share sleep"? Is it an AmEng term? And how does one share sleep with another person? It's an individual activity, I cannot share my sleep with someone else. – Mari-Lou A Jan 29 '14 at 09:30
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@Mari-LouA It's not a phrase I'm familiar with. To me (BrE. speaker), without explanation, it would imply sleeping in shifts. – Matt E. Эллен Jan 29 '14 at 09:56
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@MattЭллен "Sharing sleep" (I looked it up) is a parent, usually the mother, sharing their bed with their newborn or older baby. Could the same term be used for two adults? It's possible I suppose. – Mari-Lou A Jan 30 '14 at 08:22
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As several respondents have pointed out, there are several phrases that might do the job, although none of them is foolproof to someone who is inclined to imagine sex whether it is involved or not.
An alternative to the phrase you are looking for is to go the opposite direction from being completely explicit about your arrangements: Consider it none of anyone else's business, a.k.a. too much information, and decline to refer to it at all.
Joan Pederson
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2Thanks. I agree for the most part. Though, there are certain exceptional times. Like the time when I went to Washington, D.C., with my 8th grade class. I got a hotel room with two beds. My roommate and I each got our own bed. Other kids weren't so lucky, and a group of girls had to sleep together on one bed. Then, we had to write a report on it. – Double U Jan 28 '14 at 20:01
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I recommend this answer for its cultural aspect. If you don't want to accidentally imply that something sexual happened, just don't mention how, when, where, and with whom you slept. I don't know about other cultures, but in the US, there is no obligation to divulge this kind of information, especially because of the Victorian notion that anything that looks suspect is suspect. Lesser things than sharing a bed have destroyed relationships that would have been better off had everyone just kept things to themselves. – David Schwartz Jan 29 '14 at 21:20
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To my non-native ears, both
"X shared [a | the] bed with Y"
"X and Y shared [a | the] bed"
have no sexual "subtext"
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1You're right if X and Y are not sexually compatible. But if they're hormonal teenagers, it's difficult to believe that the circumstances leading to the "sharing of the bed" were innocent. That's where the sexual context comes in. – David Schwartz Jan 29 '14 at 21:28
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2Well, if the listener doesn't believe you it doesn't really matter what you say or how you say it... You might even explicitly add "All they did was sleeping" and on the other end they go "Suuuuuure.... " – Alex Jan 30 '14 at 08:40
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The statement probably has its roots in the puritanical makeup of middle america have lead to the assumption that anything that appears unseemly probably is. It is also those same roots that meant you did not say things untoward directly instead using a seemingly innocuous phrase like "slept with" as a code for relations. "Good and Moral Folks do not tarry about or spread salacious rumors," as my great grandmother used to say. So the gossip would seem to be about normal activities that were fine to talk about.
For this reason anything that does not explicitly say otherwise could be taken an construed salaciously. So you could say
We slept together but it was strictly platonic.
Chad
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4This is a good way to go in formal situations, like in writing, in legal proceedings, or in the workplace. But if I said that to a group of my friends... well... Shakespeare put it best: "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." – David Schwartz Jan 29 '14 at 21:30
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2Your ad hominem attack surprised me-- my intent was to underscore the utility of your answer (above others) because it is appropriate for the formal communications of IT professionals I work with all over the world who are judged by their English. Informal English has quirks they should be aware of, too. I see from your hostility that you typically dismiss those who don't always speak with your expanded vocabulary and intellectualism. Sadly, we must occasionally stoop to their level. For these irrelevant people, some of the other answers may be more appropriate. – David Schwartz Jan 30 '14 at 01:44
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A couple of suggestions I can think of:
"We went to sleep in the same bed", I think does not carry any sexual connotation, because it is very descriptive.
or
"We spent the night in the same bed"
or
"We took a nightly sleep together."*
* I guess you can't use 'a sleep' as a countable noun to mean 'a duration of time spent sleeping' like 'a nap', and I could not find any near synonyms. Siesta, slumber etc have their specific meanings and won't serve as replacements to 'sleep'. I suppose there is a gap to fill here in the language.
Arun
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"We slept in the bed together." "I slept at her place." "I fell asleep with her last night." "When I'm in town, she shares the bed with me." – Subfuzion Jan 29 '14 at 18:51
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I'm not sure if i buy this...because if I said any of those statements it would seem to imply sex. – Feb 03 '14 at 23:31
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You could say
I took a nap at X's place.
Nap has no sexual connotations I think.
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1
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2and also something you do in the afternoon, not at night, and especially not for the whole night. Further, it does not even suggest that X was taking a nap at the same time ;-)... and double-problem, everyone knows not to nap with X'es. – rolfl Jan 29 '14 at 12:59
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Unfortunately, nap is not entirely free of sexual connotations. Sexual actions can be implied, or can follow from lying down for a nap together. A nap does not imply the absence of sexual actions. – Newb Jan 30 '14 at 05:22
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1@rolfl
it does not even suggest that X was taking a nap at the same timethat's the point! – user13107 Jan 31 '14 at 10:01 -
1If you can swing it, "nap" probably is a good way to go. The problem is that "taking a nap" is very different than spending the night with someone. Because you usually take a a nap alone, during the day, it pretty much excludes the "sleeping in the same bed with someone overnight" situation. But there could be cultural differences (I have to remind myself that the US is not the only English-speaking country :) ) – David Schwartz Feb 04 '14 at 03:08
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If you're talking about a baby it should be clear there's no implication of sex even if you said something like "we slept together", which normally has strong sexual connotation.
If you're talking about anything but a bed, it should also be relatively clear of sexual connotations. Eg: "We slept in the car while we were on vacation".
If you're talking about sharing a bed with a friend, say when you're on vacation, then you can say:
- We slept in/on the same bed
- We slept in one bed
- We shared the same bed
To highlight that you slept (in the restful sense of the word) on the same bed (location). But because the act of using the same bed together is generally quite an intimate action, there will always be the question on if anything "happened" while you were sleeping in the same bed. However this is as clear as you can be without actually saying "No we didn't do anything!".
These phrases are used commonly to say you've had sex with someone:
- We slept together
- We spent the night together
Crayon
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Placing the words "sleeping" and "with" consecutively is what seems to sexualize the phrase. Rearrange them such that "sleeping with" isn't a part of the phrase and it seems much more innocent. Of course, there will always be those who subconsciously rearrange any phrase regarding sleep. It's safe to say you're out of luck there.
Obligatory Examples:
"I was with her sleeping" vs "I was sleeping with her"
"I was with my brother sleeping" vs "I was sleeping with my brother"
As far as an explanation goes, I'd say that most people recognize to sleep with as one verb, and to sleep as another.
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This was the original intent of the word 'bedfellows', as in 'Politics makes strange bedfellows.' It is about having to lie next to one another, in the sense of 'You have made your bed; now lie in it.' (They do not mean 'made your bed' by putting on the sheets, they mean 'made up the contents of your bed'.)
You can tell this is not about sex, because such references come from a time when enclosed and heated space was at a premium and people, even at home, but especially in hotels, shared multiple-person beds instead of there being multiple beds in a space, either for compactness, or for warmth.
(Besides the other imagery would paint all politicians as gay.)
You could quaintly revive this, but it may be so cutesy they will just think you are being coy.
Jon Jay Obermark
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We shared sleeping quarters, or -- less suggestive still -- We {were forced to / had to} share our sleeping quarters. If the reference to being forced to sleep in the same space stands, then even bed could be used without implying that sex took place.
Erik Kowal
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I would add context.
"When we arrived at all we could find was a hotel room with a single bed, so we were forced to share one bed".
"We climbed up the mountain, but were surprised by bad weather. It was freezing cold, so we shared one sleeping bag".
"We sleep in the same bed, but that's all".
gnasher729
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An expression I've heard that isn't likely to be misinterpreted would be
We shared opposite sides of the bed.
The meaning is clearly understood even though it can't be literally accurate.
fixer1234
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Stating the bleeding obvious:
- The origin of the sexual connotation is that in most English speaking societies, people who are "sleeping together" are also sexual partners.
- As evidenced by the plethora of confusing answers here, there is no commonly accepted phrase to express sleeping with someone without implying a sexual relationship.
grenade
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And it is not just us. The word 'coitus' is from the Greek word for 'bed'. So we are not the first society to 'bed' our potential spouses. – Jon Jay Obermark May 01 '14 at 14:29
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@JonJayObermark: Actually, "coitus" comes from Latin and has nothing to do with a word for "bed," so I'm not sure why you thought that. – herisson Mar 20 '16 at 16:08
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Perhaps, "We literally slept together." The use of the "literally" to mean "very" weakens this a bit, but I thought I'd offer it as another choice.
I agree that with American (Western?) culture as it is, you probably can't avoid the implication altogether, unless the person you're sharing a bed with a child or a relative. It also helps if you give the reason for not getting separate beds.
A Brooks
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2Don't blame this on America or on modernness. The polite Hebrew and Greek words for sex are both the result of casting 'bed' as a verb. – Jon Jay Obermark May 01 '14 at 14:32
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For people with a dirty mind, "child" or "relative" just makes things ten times worse :-( – gnasher729 Mar 20 '16 at 15:39
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POSSLQ
It was later replaced with 'unmarried partners'
Third News
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An uglier and more contrived abbreviation was never devised, either before or since. Today, a corresponding abbreviation would have to take account of the acknowledged existence of same-sex partners. – Erik Kowal May 05 '14 at 11:06
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"Cohabitation" and "partners" are terms that suggest a sexual relationship. – herisson Mar 20 '16 at 16:10
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I would say "went to sleep together".
Phrog
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Admittedly, English is not my first language, but to me this sounds most correct and free of connotations. I may be wrong, but to me, "we slept together" sounds almost as good (as opposed to "we slept with each other"). – Dolda2000 Nov 05 '14 at 03:36
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You could say 'we're room-mates' but, in England, no-one is evvverrr gonna believe you're not having sex. If you share a room. Sorry.
Jelila
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We passed out together.
We conked out together.
We dozed together.
We napped together.
We shared 40 winks.
user27815
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BUNKED is the word you are looking for.
Meaning and Usage:
sleep in a bunk or improvised bed, typically in shared quarters.
"they bunk together in the dormitory"
So you can just say "I bunked in the bed with her" , "I bunked in her house for the night" to mean it in a non sexual sense.
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Although make love is not dishonorable, the notion 'with the most honorable intentions', should be initially embedded in anybody's mind.
Baiwir
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I was a house-guest at so-and-so's for the night.which would cause a person to ask more rather than assume. – MonkeyZeus Jan 28 '14 at 16:25move in or live with someone as a lover. synonyms: cohabit, live with; More
– iDev Jan 30 '14 at 21:45